6 Hours

I leave for the hospital in about 6 hours. No big suprise I can't sleep. So much seems to be missing in my life. What if these are the last 6 hours of it? I keep thinking of all the things I haven't done and all the people that I have lost touch with. I haven't been a very good friend to some amazing people. I got to thinking about what people would say about me if I was gone. All I can think is "She was a very sad girl that never fully used her talents.

6 Days

In 6 days I will undergo a total knee replacement. It kinda sucks but is a nessary evil. I'm only 30 so I'm a bit young for the surgey. I'm afraid. I don't say it out loud much but I am. The Dr. asked me before we agreed to the surgery how I would feel if I lost the leg?! What do you say to that? I said,"They make plastic legs. Let's do this." Maybe I'm crazy, but constant pain will make you agree to almost anything. I'm ready to feel better. I've been told it's the worst pain ever after the surgery. That worries me. Most things worry me though. I try to be postive, but I can't help thinking of the what ifs. I'm the only parent my daughter has. What happens to her if I don't make it off the table?