Revisiting My Past

     Today we went on one of our famous Sunday journey's. We went for a hike and then wanted to visit another state park. We decided on Daisy since we were pretty close. Daisy State Park is on lake Greason. Lake Greason and I go way back, so I will start there.

     My summers were spent camping and fishing growing up. One summer when I was 14 we went to Lake Greason. Dad and I (and my friend Cindy) would always go down a day before my mom to set up camp. We were going to go stay at Daisy, but didn't find a campsite. Really God stepped in. I was supposed to be at the other campground. We went to this other campsite and set up as usual. Mom came the next day. All was well. Then the rain came. Back then we were all tent campers in our family. The entire campsite flooded. We had to go into the closest town to wash all our clothes.
     When we got back to camp the rain finally stopped. Sort of. It stopped enough for Cindy and I to go for a walk to the other side of the campground. We had also made another girl friend and she joined us as well. Like most teenage girls we were a bit boy crazy. We hadn't got too far on our walk when we spotted this "cute" boy riding a bike. So of course we talked at him really and decided to follow him. We lost him. But when we got closer to the campsites we saw him! I got elected to go say hi and find out his name and tell him Cindy thought he was cute.  To my surprise he had 2 other guys with him. So 3 of them 3 of us! Awesome! Bike guy's name was Jeremy F. Cute boy in glasses was Jeremy S. And the tall one was Scott. We spent hours hanging out and talking to them. By the end of that day we of had paired off. I got Jeremy S. We all 6 spent the whole next week attached at the hip. We exchanged phone numbers and addresses at the end of the trip. We had met at the bathhouse and hugged goodbye. I cried!
    Over the next 15 plus years "My Jeremy" and I became best friends. We wrote hundreds of letters and had that many and more phone calls. I went to prom with him. He would come stay on weekends in college. We shared so much. I loved him. But not in a boyfriend girlfriend way. In a soul mate best friend way. There were times we would lose touch but never too long and we always picked right back up.
    About 2 years ago we started to lose touch. Life seemed to get in the way. We had some words over something I didn't think was too major. But now we don't talk. He got married and had a baby and shut me out. I miss him. It's almost as if he has died to me. I have tried to make contact with no avail.

    So today at lake Greason I was looking for that campground. We could not find it. We went to 5! None of them it. Jerry said it's been almost 20 years you may not remember. I can not forget. I have it burned into my brain. I can see that place as real as the day I met him. After an hour of driving around we saw one last campground. I knew it as soon as I saw it. I was there again. The place I found "My Jeremy" almost 20 years ago. I am a grown woman of almost 31 and still I felt 14. I had to fight back the tears at the place I said goodbye to him in 1994. I was there to say goodbye again. This time no numbers were exchanged. No promises to keep in touch. Just me and my unwillingness to hurt for him anymore. It still hurts but today was goodbye. My message for him now is not in anger. I still love him like a brother. I wish him love and happiness in his life. But I have closed a chapter.
    
     I am afraid to go through life without my "best friend". I will be OK. I have lots of good friends but no "best friend".  Maybe God will send me another one.

How Time Changes Things

Tonight my 11 year old went to the local skating rink with her friends alone. This is the first time she has gotten to do this. I was 14 and in Jr. High before I did that. I think back to how things were back when I was growing up. Have children today gotten more mature than we where or are parents today more lax? I am an overprotective parent and even I let her do more than I did at her age. This world has gotten harder. There is more danger. Yet kids have more freedom than ever. Are cell phones to blame? Is this a good or bad thing? I don't know. I want to protect my child. I would love to cage her up in a tower somewhere, but I don't think that is exactly legal. I want her to be social and have friends but can't they just stay little?

I love the smell of books!

Are books becoming obsolete? Will they go the way of VHS, cassette tapes, 8 tracks, and records? Is I Pad, Kindle, and Nook really the answer? I think not. I love the sound of crinkling pages. I love getting lost in an old book store or library. I love the smell of an old book! The way it is a little bit musty and also a bit woody. If old books could talk think of what they would say or where they have been. It is our job as book nerds to save the book race! I will not give in to peer pressure and I will continue to buy actual books. Bloggers I encourage you to do the same!

Friends?

Two post in one day! What? I just had stuff on my mind. I was looking through my fb friend's and found a whole bunch of people I was once so close to that I no longer ever hear from. I also have a friend that won't accept my request that I once considered my best friend. Why is it that life separates us like that? I also wonder if the people from my past know how much they have meant to me. People enter our lives and change us. Good or bad they leave their mark. Why is it so hard to tell people how you feel? Maybe it's just me. I have typed a name in the message box so many times and deleted the message without sending it. Love is the one thing in this world we can give for free. Why is it that we are so stingy with it?

My Holliday Plan

It has been a while blog readers. Sorry I won't let it happen again. The holidays are upon us. I have decided to be more positive. No more worrying about money or who will or won't get a gift. Who cares if the dog ate the lights off the tree. And the verdict is... Life goes on. Worry or don't Christmas still is coming. Some people won't get a gift. I don't have lights on the tree. In the end all that does not matter. What is the most important remains... My family, my friends, and Jesus.

I challenge you all to do these things this Christmas season.
1) Love one another. ~ Have a kind word for the poor soul that has been standing at the cash register for 8 hours. When the crazy lady pushes you at the mall to buy the last popular toy, smile at her and say "God bless you. Merry Christmas!".
2) Help someone in need. ~ You don't have to spend money to do this. Carry groceries to the car for an older person. Help a friend wrap presents. Take a plate of leftovers to someone who lives alone.
3) Let the people in your life know they are loved. ~ This is the most important one. I recently lost a friend at age 32. He was hit by a car on the way home from work. You never know which moment is your or someone else's last!

Try these 3 simple things this holiday season. They may not change the world, but chances are they will change you!

6 Hours

I leave for the hospital in about 6 hours. No big suprise I can't sleep. So much seems to be missing in my life. What if these are the last 6 hours of it? I keep thinking of all the things I haven't done and all the people that I have lost touch with. I haven't been a very good friend to some amazing people. I got to thinking about what people would say about me if I was gone. All I can think is "She was a very sad girl that never fully used her talents.

6 Days

In 6 days I will undergo a total knee replacement. It kinda sucks but is a nessary evil. I'm only 30 so I'm a bit young for the surgey. I'm afraid. I don't say it out loud much but I am. The Dr. asked me before we agreed to the surgery how I would feel if I lost the leg?! What do you say to that? I said,"They make plastic legs. Let's do this." Maybe I'm crazy, but constant pain will make you agree to almost anything. I'm ready to feel better. I've been told it's the worst pain ever after the surgery. That worries me. Most things worry me though. I try to be postive, but I can't help thinking of the what ifs. I'm the only parent my daughter has. What happens to her if I don't make it off the table?